Sunday, June 9, 2013

A Book and Tears

I'm taking a step back today from blogging about crafts, stamping or showing you a picture of something I've recently made. I've felt like I want to include more about my day to day life as a wife and mother. Of coarse, I will continue the craftiness because that is part of my day to day life but there is so much else I like to write about. This is one of those things.

If you know me personally, you know I like to read. A LOT. I have always enjoyed reading. At times I find myself engulfed in a book and realize that hours have gone by or that I have to remind myself that I'm not the character in the book.

Those are the really good ones.

 I started a book on Friday night around ten o'clock. The book was free when I added it to my Kindle months ago and had forgotten about it. I just finished a book and wasn't tired yet so I went thru my list and came across this particular one. I had to read the book description again because I didn't remember what it was about but the title stuck out like a sore thumb or a flashing red light.

Elephant Girl.

Yes, you read it correctly. I say that because I had to read it twice when I saw it on my list of books to read. Why would I have wanted to read a book with a title like that? Usually, I find books that have love in the title or vampire. Okay, I admit, I am one of those people who read fantasies about people who sparkle and live to be 300 years old. I'm a sucker for love stories even if they are completely ridiculous.

Anyways, back to this book. I read the book description and still couldn't believe that I had put this in my list of books "to read." I read the reviews that said it was an amazing memoir but depressing, dark, sad and at times hard to read. Still couldn't understand why it was on my list. All in all, it made wanting to read it even that more intriguing.

So, I started reading. And I read. And I read. And I read. Until it was 2 o'clock in the morning and I couldn't keep my eyes opened any longer. I woke up the next morning to every one still asleep and turned on my Kindle. I just had to keep reading. I poured over this book until eventually my 2 year old decided to get up. Putting the book down was not easy. I pretty much obsessed about finding out what happened next. I haven't obsessed over a book like this since reading the Twilight Series.

TEAM EDWARD. See love story and sparkles. Gets me every time.

It's now Sunday afternoon and I finished reading the book about 30 minutes ago. I put my 2 year old down for a nap so I could find some time to play in my craft room but decided to just read a few more chapters which turned in to finishing the book. I am so glad I did.

There were times I wanted to shut the book and remove from my device. I didn't want to know what happened next anymore. I kept telling myself that I was reading a fiction story instead of a memoir. I real person had endured all of this was all I could think about. My phone doesn't work and I think it's the end of the world or I can't fit all of my groceries in to my shopping cart. Just plain sad.

This woman has endured every abuse you can think of. She has been let down, turned down, beaten down and broke down by everyone that was suppose to love her. Her own mother treated her like she was dirt. That is what I can fathom. I get upset at my children. There are days I just want to scream at the top of my lungs and punch something but I could never imagine telling them I never wanted them, that they were worthless, or no real human could ever love them.

I cried. I cried the ugly cry. It broke my heart that all she wanted was to hear her mother say I love you or to wrap her arms around her and give her a hug. It's unimaginable to me. I started instantly to think about the things I take for granted that I don't think about on daily basis.

1. I have a mother
2. I have a mother that I know loves me.
3. I have a mother that tells me she loves me every chance she gets.

I point out my mother because I had such a hard time understanding how a mother can ever not love their child. I continued to think of more things regarding family.

4. I have a father who I know loves me and tells me every chance he gets.
5. I have 4 siblings who I know loves me and we don't EVER get off the phone without telling each other that we love each other.
6. I have parents that have been married over 35 years to each other and still love each other.
7. I have grandparents who are celebrating 60 years of marriage this year.
8. I have a husband who loves me and tells me he loves me every day.
9. I have 2 healthy boys who love me and I love them more and more everyday.
10. I have a huge family that loves each other and enjoys being around each other.

All of those things are something to be thankful for but I take for granted. Not because I am ungrateful but because I have never known anything but a loving family. I think it's why this book took me by surprise and gripped my heart like I've never had a book do before.

I made myself think about what I would do if I was ever in ANYof her shoes. I couldn't come up with any answers. I do believe that I would push past just about any obstacle to take care of my children. I hope that I could overcome all of the things she did. I'm just thankful to God above and to my parents that I've never had to endure any of those obstacles.

I applaud the author for baring her inner most secrets to the world. She opened herself up to be just about as transparent as any one person could. I never felt that she was looking for sympathy but to try and connect with others who shared her same pain.

I closed my book and just sat there. I can not put in to words how I felt at that moment. I felt way too many emotions at one time. Happy that I had pushed thru and read it but so happy it was over. Sad just sad. I found myself at her website and FB page. I read some of her blog posts and FB posts. The first thought that came to mind was she seems normal but I instantly reprimanded myself for thinking that. Her normal and my normal will never be the same. She will never look at situations the same way I do and vice versa.

In my mind she is a SURVIVOR. 

The book was hard to read and at times very depressing but it was one of the most moving books I've ever read. I don't think it's for everyone. I won't be giving up my love stories or vampires. I won't make books like this a normal thing BUT I am glad I took the time to put this on my list months ago.

Hopefully, I'll think a little different now about the things I need and want. I tend to put them in the same category but after reading this book they are clearly VERY VERY different. 

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